And I Died

Lying on the bed I was not feeling comfortable. It seems everything was not right with me. Probably I forgot how it felt to have a very high fever, as I was suffered by one after a long time. Found it hard to breath and a strange pain was gradually increasing in chest.

My wife was calling me for Dinner. Noble lady, she took great care of me. She had especially cooked some dalia for me. Insisted a lot for going for a checkup but I managed to postpone the visit till tomorrow morning. I never liked visiting Docs. Really a nice lady, never pushed me for anything which I don’t like.

I dragged myself till dinning table, she felt my temperature by touching my forehead and got worried but I managed to smile and put rest to her anxiety.

Moments later, looking at table , I wonder, Why does she served dalia in such a big bowl and had also given me a serving spoon to eat. How in the world could somebody eat with such a big spoon from a bowl of a size of a tub. Amazed I looked towards my wife, but could not see her clearly. Felt as if she is sitting very far in front of a very bright light and busy in her dinner. I was trying hard to keep my eyes open towards the flash of light which was increasingly become more and more brighter. For a moment I tried to think, what is happening, but my thoughts were obstructed by an increasing chest pain and uneasiness. Suddenly pain overshoot and my eyes roll back, muscles of my arms and legs contract and my hands got twisted. My wife tried to get hold of me.

I quiver for few seconds and felt released. It all happened very quickly.

I could see her shouting for help. All other family members come in no time. They put my body in the car and drove towards hospital. Feeling less and aw struck, I followed them to the hospital.

I could see, in hurry to take me into the emergency room my body was being hit by the pole in the way, but I didn’t feel any pain. Doctors were quick to respond and gave electric shocks to my body, I didn’t feel anything my body also did not give them any hope.

A receipt of being bought dead was issued to my family members. They put my body back into the car.

(but I saw a relief on doctor’s face who was going to end his duty, thinking that fortunately it didn’t complicates otherwise he would have missed his cricket match today )

Thinking, if doctor’s reaction was a selfish thing or the beautiful aspect of life that it doesn’t stops for anyone, I come back home.

Now I had started realizing that probably the ultimate has happened to me. But I am still here, I could see everything, may be there is still chance.....

For a moment I feel hopeful, what would happen, If I get my life back, may be I could take care of my wife, she needs me, May be I could help my youngest son in his career, he is not settled as yet, may be I could play more with my grand children, they love me so much.

Life is precious, For the first time this thought struck me.

But can I do something. I wonder where is god, why no body came from outer world to take me. To whom should I plead. The person who have always had a solution for a problem is now helpless, no solution...

Ah, people cry so much, Its so noisy here, I need a quiet place to think, let’s go to the terrace. Oh ! My youngest son is here, his friend is consoling him, Poor child would be feeling so helpless. But hey, what are they talking about, They are planning to start a new business out of my insurance money. I am dumbstruck, again faced with the same question, if it is selfishness or beauty of life..... ?

Now they are making arrangements for my last journey. Do I still have a chance.....?

Rituals are tiring, for the all the people, but for the first time I am engrossed in them.

In cremation ground’s Priest is a very professional one, he is doing everything very mechanically, and hey he is also compromising few processes for the sake of comfort ability of my elder son. He is being paid handsomely.

Selfishness or beauty....

Now they are going to lit fire to my body, Do I still have a chance ...?

Ah I could see my body burning I feel no pain but I want to cry, this is my body, my body which served me for life. I am loosing my drape. I want to cry

But look around you fool, there are so many like me, who are witnessing their last rites.

Now my relatives are in hurry, they want to go back home to catch up with their life.

Selfishness or beauty.....

Now the feeling is sinking in, I am not going to get back to life. I do not go back with my people & stay back with my pyre.

Now I am experiencing no fear but wondering when will I see the god, is there actually a one ?

I am still worried about my wife. How will she manage...?

Days went by & I saw, she has started her home business & joined a group of new friends. Tomorrow she is going for a world tour with her friends, something which she always wanted but could not go earlier, because of my disinterest.

Selfishness or ........... ?

Indeed a beauty, life stops for no one, People move on after every moment, after every crisis.

I realized, I had played my part in the drama, story moves on.

And I died, I am at peace now, unexplainable feeling, may be I am becoming one with the God......

History is only Half Truth

Somewhere inside the dense forest in north India, blind Dhritrashtra & his blind folded wife Gandhari is living in an ashram. They are also accompanied by Kunti (Mother of Pandavas) and Vidur (younger brother of Dhritrashtra) they had opted for van prastha after the defeat of Kauravas in Mahabharata. Both Kunti & Gandhari had seen irreparable losses in that war. (People do get close to each other if they have gone through same ironies.)

On the day of first death Anniversary of Duryodhana, Kunti & Gandhari is looking back into their lives

Kunti: It seems your husband King Dhritrashtra has become composed now, I think he has reconciled himself now.

Gandhari: Yeah, Time heals every wound. Environment over here is also very peaceful.

Kunti: Sister, your unconditional love always supports him. Now that he has reached the evening of his life, I can see gratitude in his eyes for you.

Gandhari:   (Remains silent)

Kunti: ( Not sure, continues further ) : You have set an idol for the generation to come Your sacrifice of  turning blind towards the world even after gifted with eyes would become an example of sacrifice for coming generations.

Gandhari: (Opens her mouth but did not said anything, uneasily shifts her balance)

Kunti: Oh Sister, what gave you such strength & determination. Though you have been forced into marrying a blind man, you sacrifice your vision for equivalence to your husband. You have managed to see the truth and distinguish between right & wrong though your own son Duryodhana is on the other side. You are truly an idol for the generations to come.

Gandhari: (Earlier looking towards the sky, now look deep into the eyes of Kunti. Many expressions came & gone on her face.)  Dear Kunti, this is what you think and all perceived and would also goes down in the history in the similar fashion.

Kunti: What do you want to say Sister, I don’t understand.

Gandhari: Oh Kunti, You are my dearest sister, But true feelings of the heart may be bitter and that is the reason one prefers never to shares them.

Kunti: You can depend upon me please vent out whatever you have.

Gandhari: History is only one side of the truth, the victorious part.

Kunti: (Listens in dismay)

Gandhari: Black scarf on my eyes is not my sacrifice out of love in fact it is my protest towards the society and its norms. It is a protest of a girl, who had all the dreams about his handsome prince but she was forced to marry a blind king. It is my protest towards suppression of women in this society. No one cares about the rights of a women she was never asked about her choice and has to abide by the wishes of a man. I choose not to see this society.  

I know my protest, would never be recorded in the history, but what a pity it is being perceived as a sacrifice of a women for her god aka husband. Again a symbol of male chauvinist society. 

History is only one side of the truth, the victorious part.

And losers are not always on the losing side alone. Women are also exploited by victors. She will remain defeated even on winning side.  (Gandhari looks sharply towards Kunti)

Kunti: (Gives a look of unbelieving ness)

Gandhari: Kunti, I wonder if you would be able to understand my pain or not but your daughter in law Draupdi for sure would relate to this. She is also bearing the ruthlessness of male society. No one could imagine the plight of living with 5 husbands. And you ought not to think that it is your ignorant order to divide the booty, which led to this mayhem instead it is because of the greed & lust of the 4 brothers who always fascinates towards an astounding beauty of this time.

I know Pandavas would right this in history as their selfless act of obeying mother’s order. Historian would never ask for the perspective of Draupadi.

History is only one side of the truth, the victorious part.

Who knows Sita would have also questioned the conviction / principle of king Rama, when asked to give the test of her chastity on fire. And who knows if Sita has not actually divorced Rama before moving out to Balmiki Ashram. No historian would write the perspective of Sita. .

History is only one side of the truth, the victorious part.

My son right from his childhood lives under the fear that one day Pandavas will come & took over the kingdom of his father and what rightly belongs to him. He always used to felt uneasy with the power & skills of Pandavas & also the ambitiousness of Yudhishthir.

Poor child always believe that as Bharat look after Auyodhya in absence of Ram & handed over the kingdom back to him after exile. His kingdom would also be returned back to him by the Pandavas, as their father Pandu was only caretaker.

My loving son Suyodhan now made infamous by the name of Duryodhan. This is what history is going to do with my son, even his name will be changed to suit the character he is being portrayed into.

History is written under the disposition of winner and will always be a testament of victorious.  It will always be only one side of the truth, the victorious part.

Ages later people who would be reading today’s history would hail Pandavas and may even start worshipping King Rama or our Shri Krishna as God but there are other perspectives too which would be left unsaid.......